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Searching for Myself

Recently, I had someone ask me where 'Happy Annie' has gone...since then I've done nothing but wonder when I first started losing myself. 
Was it after my op? Maybe when I started realising that the people I thought were there for me weren't? When I found out the operation I had didn't really help me? 
I don't know when it was, but I know I want to come back. 
What I need are positive friends around me who I can trust with my life. I need people to believe in me, not ignore me and stop inviting me places because of the opinion they have on me. I don't need to be treated like an invalid. 
The thing that frustrates me the most is that I know I would be different to my friends than they are with me if the tables were turned. Frequent text messages and visits would be a daily thing for me. 
This week I've had to move back into my parents house, it's really knocked my confidence as I've been moved out five years almost. Now, I can barely look after myself or my son and I'm back to depending on my parents.
I came out of hospital knowing I had a blockage and swore I'd go back after five days, I can't seem to go back. The lump in my abdomen is increasing every day, I can feel it when I breathe - it's like stitch gone wrong. Since I came out as well I've also discovered I'm allergic to a fair few things which the doctor says is my body going through a lot of stress. I have an allergy test beginning of July to find out what's going on so I can start nutritional support.
I'm struggling emotionally and I feel like I'm drowning without anyone helping me out. Where are all these people I've helped over the years? 
I remember being in hospital listening to someone spend hours moaning over a girl they fancied whilst I had just had surgery. I've helped people move out, I've been their taxi and I've been an ear to listen to. 
Every single one of those people have left me to dismantle wardrobes and move out by myself with a blockage which could perforate my bowel. Nine people offered to help to which none of the, showed up without even texting to let me know they weren't coming. 
What amazed me so much were the people who turned up who I hadn't spoke to in such a long time and helped me. I cried I was so grateful. 
I am now going to concentrate on the relationships that are worth fighting for. I'm going to let go of the false promises and the people who think by me wanting them to ask how I am, accuse me of wanting people to chase me. I don't want people to chase me at all. I try my best to ask people how they are and to make phone calls, but I'm also tired and in pain. If I see on your Facebook that you're okay then that'll do me unfortunately. If I see something sad then I will ask how you are. 
I'm waiting for someone to ask how I am and to help pick me up. Which is something I know I do for so many others.
Wonder how long the wait will be.
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