Chronically Parenting

Dear Doctors, I know you know my face, I'm at the hospital frequently. No it's not for a laugh, no it isn't for enjoyment; but because I am in pain. I can tell you you it hurts and I can tell you feel like I have little men running through my insides slashing everything in sight - but what are you going to do? 14 years I spent so many hours sat in A&E crying in pain and bleeding so much I though I was going to die. Do you understand how scary it is for a child to have so much blood coming from their bum that they're convinced they're going to die? Being young and going through that was so scary. And what did you do? Send me home with paracetamol. Think it was finally one day that some big guy who looked like the healer from the film 'Green Mile' told the Dr's to order some tests that I finally got a sigmoidoscopy at 11. So ulcerated that you couldn't even get the camera round and I was lay there begging my mom to kill me. What did you do? G...

I've been thinking so much recently about how my body works, how my mind works and how I cope. I look at all the bellies I know, see how they work really good jobs, make amazing parents and seem to be living as much of a 'normal' life as possible. I've been out of work a year thanks to bile salt malabsorbtion and dehydration. I took a random decision to do something and go to college. I'm now studying animal management as I would like to become a veterinary nurse. Thing is - I've been here about 3 weeks and already I've had my first admission into hospital; making me behind on my college work already. I am well and truly grateful to every single person on my course for their support. The teachers have been amazing for giving me an extension.... Does this make me weak? Do I just give up? Don't know how I feel about it all; I am hurting every single day. I come home exhausted every night. I just want to sleep all the time, I want to cry every day. My ...